i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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