when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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