Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
