So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
