the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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