i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
