i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
