MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
