I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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