he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
