i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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