I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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