I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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