One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
