I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
