I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
