she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
