The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
