you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
