just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
