there's paper in my vomit.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
