it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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