just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
