Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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