Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
