I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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