currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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