HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
