I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
