threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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