When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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