Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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