1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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