so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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