yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
