you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
