I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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