and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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