I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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