I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
