.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
