3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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