You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
