So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
