kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So vagazzling was a success
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
