No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
