great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
