I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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