were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
