Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
