Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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