I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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